Voldy enters for a Pantene commercial
by hojerry
Summary: Voldermort tries out for a Pantene commercial-something he had always wanted to do his whole life. The only thing, or person rather, getting in the way is Lucius Malfoy. Apparently, HE wants to try out too. Who will win this epic battle for the lead role?


**Hey everyone Birdy2000 here. Hope you guys find this funny. Remember to always R&R!**

**I will love you for doing so. Au revoir for now. **

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><p><span>Voldermort' POV<span>

I sat in the waiting room, breathing in anticipation, as they called my name off the entry roll. "Um…You're up, Mr V…vold-voldermoat, sorry how do you pronounce this exactly?" the lady with the clipboard and paper asked politely, as she attempted saying my ridiculously hard-to-spell name. I stood up, smiled graciously and corrected, "It's Voldermort." The lady looked up, grinned and led me through a door that had a sign on it that read, 'Audition room, please do not disturb unless you are a participant for a commercial.' I smiled smugly, as I had never had an opportunity to be able to ignore this sign because I had never been a participant for an ad before.

I just knew I would be the lead role for this ad. I would be a STAR!

This was what I had been yearning to do for my entire life (not including killing Harry Potter.)- this was the life-altering commercial. This was…a Pantene ad (think of me saying that in a cool way, with lots of emphasis, then you'll get it. Don't think I was being sarcastic and stuff, because seriously, this is what I've been yearning to do all my life) I took a look around. There were four air-conditioners and two giant fans on at full blast. There were many cameras and seats for contestants to sit in. There were make-up people and judges and there was a tropical background. The room was so long that my whole 'Death Eater' headquarters looked small compared to this.

I was in commercial heaven.

Why would they let in a guy like me, who has no hair at all, may you ask?

Well, I visited the wig shop a couple of days back, and got myself this beautiful long silvery-blonde wig the same colour as Lucius Malfoy's.

"Mr Voldermor-voldermoret. You're up." A voice called.

"It's Voldermort!" I shouted at no-one in particular. I jumped onto the stage and straightened my wig. I desperately wanted to win this role. Plus, the person who wins gets a free car.

"Hair check!" the voice yelled. Two females jumped on next to me and inspected my wig. "Beautiful hair, mister!" one of them exclaimed. "This looks familiar." The second one prodded my hair. At the exact same moment, a certain death eater popped out from behind the screen next to me. It was…Lucius Malfoy?

"What are you doing here?" I exclaimed, horrified, as if I had been caught in a searchlight.

"What are _you _doing here?" he asked. Then he looked at me suspiciously. "Why did you copy my hair?" he growled, jabbing at my beautiful luxurious long hair.

"I didn't! And why are you at my Pantene shoot?" I screeched.

"I wanted to get the star role!"

"Well, it's mine, so go away!"

"No! You copied me!"

"I will kick you out of my death eaters group!"

"At least I know I have better hair than you!"

"We'll see, won't we? After the shoot."

"Fine! But you know I'll win."

"May the best man win. Which is me, obviously. I'm the dark lord."

"You _may _be, but you don't necessarily have the best hair." He tossed his head in emphasis and called out, "Shoot 1!"

Suddenly, I felt very silly with Lucius next to me, having the same hairstyle and colour as me. "Pose!" someone called out. I felt very flustered, until I saw Lucius smirking. I wouldn't let him get to me. I confidently put my hand on my hip and put my other one up in the air. There was a flash. "Mr Lucius, you're up now!"

Lucius pushed past me and put both hands in his hair and smiled. Another flash.

"Sucker." He said, as he walked past me. "I will Avada Kedavra you if another comment like that comes out of your dirty mouth." I hissed.

"Oh, just try."

"I will."

After waiting for half an hour, someone shouted, "Okay everybody! We have two finalists for the 'Men's' section. Our finalists are: Lucius Malfoy…and Voldermort- uh…what exactly is your last name?"

I jumped in glee, squealing like a little girl and said, "It's Riddle. But I don't use that name anymore."

"Um…okay. Pose!"

I put one finger on my cheek like people did on photos to try and look cute, and the fan was on full blast. It blew my hair in different directions, which I knew looked beautiful. Flash! Photo done. "Lucius Malfoy!"

Lucius hopped on stage and blew a kiss, the fan making his dirty silver-blonde hair fly into his mouth, and around his face. "Okay, we have a winner." Someone said.

Lucius smirked at me and tossed his head. I made an 'I'm watching you' gesture with two fingers, and straightened up. "This year's competition prize car Pantene ad winner is…drumroll please…give a hand to Mr Voldermort…uh whatever his last name is!"

I jumped in happiness, and hugged everyone, while Lucius's expression turned as dark as an alleyway at night-time. He turned abruptly and left, a sour expression plastered on his face. "Yes! I win!" I squealed, taking the cup from the presenter's hands. "In your face, Lucius Malfoy!" I screeched, and shook the cup in the air.

"I would like to make a short speech." I cleared my throat.

"I would like to thank Pantene, and I am extremely proud to be presented this award. Thank you everyone! And by everyone I mean judges for choosing me, other contestants for being so horrible at advertising and posing, and most of all, me for being so awesome!" I tossed my head.

People started clapping slowly and unenthusiastically, but that didn't bother me.

"Um…here is the grand prize car!" someone shouted, pointing towards my left. I turned around. I saw a beautiful red sports car, glistening in the artificial light, with tinted windows. "Oh, my god thank you!" I squealed.

I leapt towards the car, and flung open the door. I jumped in, and turned the key.

"Um…mister you're not supposed to drive it in h- WHOAH!"

The car flung off the stage and down the steps, bumping up and down as I shrieked with glee. "Well, he _is _good at ads, so we might as well let him." I heard one of the judges mutter. "Laters everyone! Love you!" I blew kisses at everyone, until I realised my wig was slipping off at the speed of the car movements and the fans that made my hair blow around. "Oh wait, no no no!" I tried to lunge for the wig, but it was too late. It blew straight off and into the judges' faces, as they screamed in outrage.

I steered the car out of the doors, through the waiting room and out of the building. I shrieked in glee. "So long suckers!" I yelled tauntingly.

I had proved myself worthy of being in a Pantene ad, and most of all, I won this awesome sports car.

Mission accomplished. My dreams finally came true.

I had put Lucius Malfoy to shame, I had won the lead role in the Pantene commercials and I had won a sports car all in one day. I am _awesome_!

And for anyone who opposes, I shall _Avada Kedavra _you. Yes, I'm talking to you, Lucius Malfoy.

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><p><strong>Hey guys, it's me again. Did you like it? I hope so! I would really appreciate it if you review!<strong>


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